Kris Laser Pistol Meets his Fans

“Hello, this is Angry Schmo again,

Welcome to the first town hall for the President of the Internet, with Kris Laser Pistol.

This is basically an AMA, so let’s start this.”

“Thank you Angry Schmo. I have to say, you were one of my influences when I first started ScrewTube. Your videos opened my eyes about how fun ScrewTube really was.

“I want to bring that age of fun back to the Internet – where you could get by joking around with people, sharing some memes and enjoying energy!” Kris says.

“I hear you, the early days of Twatter were amazing. It was a free for all, and everyone loved it. Now, there is just BS – only politicking and drama. Nothing like it used to be,” Angry Schmo says.

“They were. Everyone was playing Halo and kicking ass. And then those political bassholes show up and everything becomes a battle field of who wins and who doesn’t,” Kris says.

“I totally agree.

Now let’s get to the audience and the questions.”

Kris nods.

A purple haired slightly obese woman waddles down to the microphone.

“When you thanked Anita Sarcasiam, you insulted her. You said you were where you were because of her. And then you said you’d help make the Internet a chill place and that will make things better for women.

Do you understand that it’s patriarchal to be that condescending to a woman?” The woman said.

“Listen basshole. You’re nothing more than a political basshole who wants to impose what you want on the world. Haven’t you ever heard you reap what you sow?”

“Well, yes – and that’s what I’m saying about you!”

“Who wants to live reading angry viral tweets and arguing all day long?” Kris says, shaking his head.

“Screw you Kris, I’m not voting for you!” The woman says.

Angry Schmo laughs and gives Kris a high five!

“Great turn around Kris. I have another Zeet question for you.

“Voter1967 wants to know – do you believe video games and art have to be political?”

“I’ve always said it, you should be free to say what you will. But please do it well. And you also don’t have to make everything political – live and let live is a philosophy.”

“I totally agree. The way that everything has to be “the message” is totally blowing great gaming experiences. Some of the people just push it way too hard!”

“Agreed. And everything doesn’t have to be a political fight either – there’s not a day where games, comics, books and politics intertwine. It’s exhausting!”

“Well said.

“Now StraightVoter1776 has a TockBomb question.”

The video lights up.

It’s a Young African American man.

“Hey Kris, my name is Tyler. My question is, there is so much anger and fighting between all these sides on the Internet. Do you think there’s enough being done for mental health on the Internet?”

“Hi Tyler, that’s a great question. Since I was nominated, I’ve been working behind the scenes with influential ScrewTubers to talk about mental health. I want to see people have a better time on the Internet!”

“How bad do you think it is?”

“I only have to watch the footage from Kenosha, January 6th, and the Freedom Convoy and I can answer – it is bad. I read a Zeet recently, how different are they from drunk drivers?!”

“Drunks, who get high off fighting on the Internet. That’s a fascinating take, and probably one that’ll be adopted by others in the years to come.”

Someone gets up quickly and starts quickly stomping towards the microphone.

“Did I just hear you right? People who fight on the Internet are drunks? comparing people in Jan. 6th to Kenosha?

Duck You Kris!”

Kris smirks.

“You certainly show how bad it can get, if you’re caught up in the politicking all the time. The bassholes, and even social media companies make tones of money off of your anger.

“I’d take it easy for a while, get off social media for a week!”

“Really, really!

“He double downs!

I hate moderates like you!”

He stomps off.

“See, there’s always a political basshole who wants to say fighting is the way.

“They come out of the woodwork. You never know when they will get triggered and start attacking people.”

“And I brand myself as Angry Schmo, but I have nothing on that guy!”

Kris smirks, “I know.”

“Well, this was the first town hall for the President of the Internet. Personally, I think he’s the right guy for the job!” Angry Schmo says.

Kris nods, gets out of his chair, and walks to the exit.

Some people cheer, others boo – hey, it’s the Internet – what did you expect?!

---

Kris Laser Pistol is a parody of Chris Ray Gun, a medium sized YouTuber and Twitch Streamer. Mostly interested in games and music, he got caught up in the political side for a couple of years.

Kris lives in the Webtastic Stories universe – a place of truly bizarre surrealistic politics. You can order your book off of Amazon. Kris appears once in the story, during the Beatrix Nay’Robi story.

$1.50 of each paperback sales goes to charity!

Do you let Trolls on the Internet get to you?

It’s time to turn the tables on them and shine light in their direction.
Sunlight is the best disinfectant!

Beatrix Nay’Robi is an outspoken black trans woman of colour on the Internet, but IRL Max White is anything but. When frenemies expose his secret on social media, all hell breaks loose.

Webtastic Stories is a dark satire story about the Internet.

With lying influencers causing drama for “fame, clout, and money.”
And the aftermath of internet drama impacting society and on individual lives.

And a glimpse of what life look like if we didn’t chase after every Internet controversy!