A New Year, and a New Election

Hi, I’m Mark, the Lord-High-Researcher of The Algorithm!

Welcome to the most auspicious election ever, the election for the President of the Internet!

Why has this been declared?

It’s a new year, and the Internet is its own country, so it needs its own president. This will allow one person to make declarations on how the Internet should work, that way everyone knows exactly how things go down. Unlike what is happening on the Internet with too many social media companies with very different rules and very different ways those rules get enforced!

Who will become the most powerful “Influencer” on the Internet?

Anyone can become one, and there’s certainly going to be some amazing deziens of the Internet who will try their luck to become the most powerful person on the Internet!

But, my vote will be for Chuck Norris, vote Chuck, because he is worthy!

Who are the candidates?

1. Kris Laser Pistol – Team Magenta – Make the Internet cool again – a fun place for games and music.
2. Sargoon Of Aghast – Team Yellow – Has a 10-point thesis to defeat Team Magenta.
3. Anita Sarcasiam – Team Magenta – Will defeat all misogyny on the Internet.
4. King Memeula – Team Yellow – Will shitpost his way into the Presidency – to fight Karens from ruining the Internet!
5. Barmy “Spaced Out Broad” Wu – Team Magenta – Will ensure Elong Rust will not control the Internet and drop Moon Rocks to destroy cities on Earth.
6. Some Coloured Dude – Team Yellow – Just your average Snark Tanker who wants to make the Internet cool for having fun with games and music.
7. That 1 Sweeper – Team Magenta – Wants to focus on social media addiction and mental health.
8. The Human Ray of Sunshine – Team Yellow – Wants to drive SJW bugmen and Strange Women out of comics, movies, and games.
9. Tim Fool – Team Magenta – Wants to prevent the next ‘Murica Civil War by ensuring people can’t do negative things on the Internet before we all starve on the streets.
10. Boo Sharpieo – Team Yellow – Will debate any Team Magenta and sell his $14.99/m service that has a few TV shows and movies and 1000s of angry political rants.
11. Hazy Biker – Team Magenta – Will bring socialist champagne dreams and caviar wishes to everyone.
12. The Neckbearded – Team Yellow – Will sue Team Magenta for forcing everyone to watch Bree Larson movies.

Where can I get the new coverage – there’s more now?

Here.

1. Rachel Madcow’s Introductory Analysis.
2. Ducker Carlson’s Introductory Analysis.
3. Team Magenta Debate 1.
4. The Great Team Magenta Debate 1 Analysis.
5. Team Magenta Debate 2
6. Chasing Clout, An Analysis of the Magenta Debate 2.
7. Team Yellow Debate 2.
8. Chasing Clout, An Analysis of the Yellow Debate 2.
9. Team Magenta – The Final.

Will there be any drama caused by the debates?

Of course. King Memeula mocked Sargoon of Aghast’s 10-point plan to save the West. But they hashed it out prior to the last Team Yellow debate.

What will this do to the Internet?

Absolutely nothing. We all know the algorithm will make you forget in a week. There will always be something new to complain about, so Zuck Muckerborg, Elong Rust, and Mary Sue Wojocki can make lots of money!

Why should you follow this blog?

If you don’t follow this blog, experts say that you’re a science denying-nazi-white supremacistic-misogynists or woke-cancel pig-fascist-communists!

Yes, experts have said this, it’s all part of the algorithm – all praise Landru.

I will show my expertise as an Internet Anthropologist, studying the tribal mentality of the Internet. All the Grog the Fisherfolk can trust me to give you the most accurate and up-to-date misinformation about the no holds barred election for the president of the Internet!

I will provide the best in depth studies to shed light on this most important election in the world!

How will this even work?

As amazing Influencers throw their hat into the election, I will show who is coming up for a couple of months.

Then there will be debates, town halls until two people will compete against each other.

After that, there will be an election – and I will have polling for who you like the most!

There will be no cheating, unlike certain American Elections!

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This is a parody, and if you enjoyed the blog, you might want to buy Webtastic Stories: Fear and Loathing on the Internet!

Do you take the Internet too seriously?

Beatrix Nay’Robi is an outspoken black trans woman of colour on the Internet, but IRL Max White is anything but. When frenemies expose his secret on social media, all hell breaks loose.