The Journey of a Lifetime, in Two Weeks

Hey guys.

This is a difficult topic to discuss, because this involves my fiancée’s mental health struggles. I wanted to write this to encourage people who are in a relationship with someone who struggles with self-worth and mental illness.

My fiancée has severe anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The specific OCD disorder is Atelophobia. This is the extreme fear of imperfection. If she overcharges her Apple Watch, or talks for too long on her phone and drain the battery, or her iPad is not connecting with Wifi well, she will start disintegrating.

This came to the most spectacular conclusion two weeks ago. She had been focused on ending her life for two days. While she took a shower, she was screaming, you can’t stop me – I will wait until you’re not here. The despair I felt stole my tongue.

And when she was out of the shower, she was yelling at me, and I couldn’t do anything but write. And write I did. Every time she asked me something, I would be writing in Procreate. Here’s the video. I would do anything to keep her alive, she’s the love of my life and I can’t live without her.

While I was unable to talk, she talked to a crisis counsellor. She was so moved by what happened, she agreed to go to the Hospital voluntarily. We waited for most of the day.

At the time, to be productive, I emailed my team lead about what I was going to do at work, since I couldn’t talk. I work a call centre, so if you can’t talk, you’re just about as useful as tits on a nun.

And then my fiancée asked me a question as I was playing a game on my phone. And reflexively, I answered – and some instant joy filled my brain. I could talk, so I wasn’t going to lose my job.

The next day was a write off, and I emailed my my team lead, and they agreed to give me the day off as an unpaid time off. It’s not every day you take the love of your life to the hospital to get her the psychiatric help she needs. With that, I was able to get paid for Labour Day – which helped a lot.

Over the next couple of weeks, there was some ups and downs. But my fiancée was coming around and she was feeling much better. I could tell she was past the desire to end her life, because she was worried about our pup and some other things. She was past her struggles.

When she struggled the most, I would have some sleepless nights. When she struggled the least, I would have great nights sleep. Her fate and my fate are so entwined, I couldn’t help but fear she’d be there forever.

But on Monday the 18th, after I was sure they would suggest she stay in the psychiatric ward for a few more days, the doctor released her.

I was exhausted from very little sleep, but you should have seen my eyes and brain light up when the doctor said she was discharging my fiancée.

The other half of my life was going to be home again!

Home!

Again!

Our pup was excited to see her too.

As I write this, he’s laying on her lap, and she’s enjoying StarField.

Life is better again.

Love is the most important part of life. Our love for each other saved her life on that Tuesday. And our love for each other will help both of us face the future together. There is nothing that can empower you like love can, it is the most powerful force in the universe, don’t let some cynical world view take that away from you!

Thanks for reading, and have an amazing day, guys!